Karma
Pronunciation: 'kär-m&
Function: noun
1. the force generated by a person’s actions held in Hinduism and Buddhism to perpetuate transmigration and in its ethical consequences to determine the nature of the person’s next existence
2. the fact we’ve laid off 10% of our workforce, and I still can’t find a decent fucking parking spot.
Flight of the Conchords
This group/show warms my geek heart. Any group with a binary solo is in my top 4 parody folk groups.
Father’s Day and My Constant Attempts to Entertain Myself.
Father’s Day turned out pretty well. The day started with breakfast with the ‘rents, followed by making my Dad bust a pinata shaped like a pirate’s chest on the back lawn in full view of the neighbors. The neighbors got a kick out of a nearly 50 year old man swinging wildly and spouting obscenities while wearing a wife beater. It was kind of like living in the trashy part of town again. It was even funnier when my Dad cracked the pinata a good one and asked what we had packed in it since there was no candy spilling out. His face dropped when we yelled “Don’t break the new watch!”. We didn’t really get him a new watch, but I wasn’t going to tell him that.
My sister, her boyfriend, and I got kind of bored once Dad settled down from his path of destruction and discovered we really got him the 3rd season of Deadwood on DVD. The below picture is the product of our boredom. Yes, we drew Pac-Man characters on our toes. My feet look like a Hobbit’s.
Drunken Antics
I was out drinking with a few guys from work tonight when a random lady walked up to our table and showed us her new tattoo. I don’t know if I should feel guilty, but I told her it looked like a GI Joe shit on a Transformer. I was pretty drunk as was she, so I don’t think it registered. Otherwise, I do believe her Paul Walker-looking boyfriend would have beat me into oblivion. Two-for-0ne nights are the devil.
Maserati: Saturday June 9, 2007
I made the trip up to Lawrence, KS last Saturday with my friend Ben to go see a band from his home town (Athens, GA). Maserati played at the Gaslight, which is a tiny one room hole-in-the-wall bar with a small patio. I was pretty surprised they were playing at a venue this small since I had previously seen their stuff on Insound and their reviews on Pitchfork Media. I was expecting them to have trouble fitting all their gear onstage given the massive setup some bands have these days, but I was pretty impressed with their setup. Pretty efficient really, amp-wise both guitarists were sporting what looked to be Fender Twins with Hi-watt cabs. The bassist was feeding his Fender precision bass into an Ampeg SVT head and cab. Their pedal boards were pretty conservative looking, I thought I saw a couple Roland space echoes, a wah pedal of some sort, and some fuzz pedals. Compared to bands like the Mars Volta, they opted for the space-saver route. They really have a great mastery of their effects, however. They used loops and reverb/delay even better than most of their post-rock peers (Explosions in the Sky, Godspeed You Black Emperor). Very spacey and very intricate rock dominated most of their set. I have to tip my hat to both guitarists for best use of neck bends in a live performance. They had complete control of the tone during the bend, and it didn’t come across as ear-bleedingly annoying as a lot of other bands that use this technique. Better still was drummer Gerhardt Fuchs. That man is John Bonham reborn on the drums, complete with a mustache that could impregnate ovulating girls in the audience. They only played for about an hour, but that is quite considerable given the type of music that they play. Gerhardt Fuchs was pouring sweat after his drum solo on the last song of the set. Below is a link to one of their Athen’s shows earlier this year. Picture this show, only outdoors, with x-mas lights, about 25 people, and a glowing blue drum set. Pretty bad ass. I would have pictures, but I haven’t bought a new camera since my last one was lost/stolen on a business trip in SF. You’ll have to deal with the power of imagination this time.
I *heart* Nerds T-shirts
Alright, so I’ve seen a number of un-nerdy girls wearing the “I <3 Nerds” t-shirt lately, but I just don’t buy what they are selling.
Here’s an internet model for said t-shirt. I’ve seen others of similar appearance, but nothing about them convinces me that they don’t have a boyfriend that looks like Peyton Manning after a round of Barry Bond’s performance enhancing cocktails (aka their Adam’s apple looks like my bicep) .
I think it’s all a ruse just so people will believe “they” (I always use “they” like there is some vast global conspiracy) are Mensa material, when in all actuality it’s like Paris Hilton attempting the daily Sudoku (what’s #4 across?).
If I were in a position of power (which I’m not, thankfully) or the sole merchant of said T-shirt, I would require a nerd aptitude test that would be able to meet 2 of the 5 requirements:
1. The purchaser can name at least 3 Elvis Costello songs.
2. The purchaser can correctly define a “saving throw”.
3. The purchaser’s Ipod does not contain anything by “Fergie”.
4 . The purchaser can correctly distinguish George Jefferson from George Jetson.
5. The purchaser can provide proof that they read at least one book this year (Davinci Code does not count).
Proof of such nerd aptitude would be the only way to successfully navigate my Chinos and earn the right to let your nerd flag fly.
Douche Canoe
Pronunciation: doosh kuh-noo
Usage: noun
1. A douche bag whose ability to be douche-like demands a more powerful description
2. An unnecessarily large vehicle driven only by douche bags, or one containing more than one NFL team logo sticker.
