Brent Applies the Law of Natural Selection
So I was at the Dallas Aquarium this week when I had a little downtime, and there were some screaming little bastards running around squealing their ears off. I had little patience for it as I had a massive headache from all the crap the day before. I’m not just being an ass. I like kids, but these little shit-fucks made my ears ring. Considering that I go to a lot of live rock shows, this was quite a feat. As I saw the screaming kids lean over the rail by the crocodile pit (which is strangely not very high or stable looking), I came to a harsh realization of the laws of nature. Here are some of the observations made:
- My initial inclination when a shitty loudmouthed spoiled yuppie kid is bending over the rail of the crocodile pit, is to reenact the ending of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
- If the same kid was looking down at the stingrays, he would have had something in common with Steve Irwin.
- If the kid was less noisy, I wouldn’t be thinking like Patrick Bateman.
- Quiet, respectful kids are more likely to reach adolescence.
- Kids with favorable phenotypes (living quietly in fear of angry adults) are more likely to survive and reproduce than those with less favorable phenotypes (those who make Veruca Salt seem like a librarian).
Safe Kid = Boring Book
swayers said,
August 31, 2007 at 10:43 am
I was hoping to read about you going up to the children and taunting them…or how to gently nudged one of them to make them think you were going to push them over. I’m very disappointed, Brent. You’re lucky I mailed out the Costello BEFORE I read this. Ever…so…lucky!
Speaking of Costello – he’s coming to Bloomington in November. Downside – Bob Dylan is coming with him…but I’ll tough it out just like Dylan’s skin is toughing him out.